Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
