you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
