Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
