how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
