I think I am morally bankrupt
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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