Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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