my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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