R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
