Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
