All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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