i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize