I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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