I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
