just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
