I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
