he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
