don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
