went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How does it feel to date your dad?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
