i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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