Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
