If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
