It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
40s are totally the cure
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I would ride that face into the sunset
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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