You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
