I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
