The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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