I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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