some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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