mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Randomize
