just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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