I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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