i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
