Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
