hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
