Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
