You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
