I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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