i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
