I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
love makes seman taste better
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
