i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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