Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
