There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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