i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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