So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
