oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
