ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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