Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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