and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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