we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
