apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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