i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Everyone says I win the strip club
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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