I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
