Don't you send me to vm
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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