Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
