woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
