he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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