people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
