We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
