chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
