do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
