Nicole vs. Life
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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