he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
