There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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