I hate all girls vehemently.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
