i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
