This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
