I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
