he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
