I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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