i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
