Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
