So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it hurts more in the daytime
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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