Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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