Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
