worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
