is wine microwaveable?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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