I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
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